I'm feeling really sad. The events of last Friday in Newtown have rocked me. It is unbearable to imagine the moments that those children went through, the moment that their parents became aware that there was an issue at school. I can't take the images of those parents running toward the school, with that feeling that only other parents know, praying, please let my kid be safe, please, please, please. I can't even allow my brain to stay on the moment that some found out that their child was not safe. That their child had been hurt, that their baby had been killed and would not be coming home ever again. It is too much in the most literal sense - too much to understand.
And of course there has been a lot of talk about the various political issues that we can think about to try to stop thinking for a moment about those families, those poor fucking families who were just shattered beyond any kind of repair.
And those issues are important. We absolutely need to think about gun control and even more pressing, our care and support of the people and the families dealing with mental illness. and even though those are some issues that directly lead to the events on Friday it feels very remote, very seperate from mattering to this moment in time when these precious lives were ripped from their families and community.
I think, for me, the thing that is ringing in my brain is how wrong we as human beings are getting so many, many things. Things that make us fundamentally human are being ignored and wiped out of our way of life. We don't connect to each other. We have learned to overlook a hungry person, an angry person, a sick person, a homeless person. It is so common place to see a person living on the streets with their ragged clothes and their dirty hair and skin that we think nothing of it. It literally doesnt even slow our pace. We will not spend the rest of the afternoon thinking about what led that person to be so alone and unprotected. We don't jump on the phone and call everyone we know to announce that there is an emergency because a fellow human being who lives in our community is completly without resources and needs our help. We don't even care. At all.
Everyone of us spends more time and energy devoted to our image, devoted to making sure that the people around us think that we are okay, that we are great. You are not supposed to let anyone know or see the true depths of your lonliness or despair. The fears and anxieties that plague us all are played out in secret. We need people to think we look good and dress well and that we love our jobs and/or that it provides a tidy little life for us. We need people to think that we are happy and satisfied and reasonably untroubled, to a degree that makes it a lie.
We slave away for the almighty dollar, throwing food away for fear that the price will drop if there is an overabundance, while people go hungry everysingle minute of every day. People are angry and sad and struggeling. People can not feed their families the way that they would like to, can not get the kind of health care that they need, can not sign their children up for dance class or the tuba, can not even send them to school in some cases - and I'm not even talking about the lowest levels of poverty here, I'm talking about the lower middle class. The world is restless and clawing and the people in it are so tired of wanting and trying and not being seen or heard or cared about that they are snapping. Shootings, stabbings, robbery, war, screaming yelling, hating, crying. And it is not the fault of the individuals, it is the fault of the whole of humanity yet it is the least powerful the most vulnerable who bare the punishment for our collective sins. And we don't notice much until it rears up it's disgusting head and commits an ungodly act on our doorsteps.
Yes we need to remove guns but more than that we need to remove the need and desire for guns by meeting the needs of every person around us.
Yes we need mental health care - but we need to get back to living as a community that loves and supports the members who are dealing with mental illness so that a whole community can help keep the mentally ill and those around them safe.
There is not a person out there who would place more value on money and things than on the lives and well being of their family and loved ones. Many people do mix up those priorities in their behaviors, but if asked they would say that the love and emotional connections in their lives are what it is all about. In our most authentic hearts we all know that in the end the love we've shared the joy we've shared the passion and strength and connection and commitment to people is all that matters one bit. Everything else is nothing. So why do we have a culture that does not support those needs? Why do we forget what is most important to us?
I'm just really sad about Friday. And many other days as well.
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